I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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