so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is Oprah even human
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
