CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
