Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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