"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dear god my vagina.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
