Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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