I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
