just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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