Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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