you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
