Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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