Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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