we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
