i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
