I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i barfeds in our rink
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
