i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
