So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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