I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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