Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
