She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
