Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
