I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
