I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
