Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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