Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
