Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
