so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
