WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
