Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
