looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
