it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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