y did u give ur computer a hand job?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
