Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
