The maid of honor just puked.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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