So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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