You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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