stop calling my apartment porn island.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
