I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
