I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
