When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just invented taco cereal.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think my moral compass just broke
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
