on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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