I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
