dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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