I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
