I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
