Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
