just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
