Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
