my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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