Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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