ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
