I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
