I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
